Jarniganisms for July 20

Former South African Preident Nelson Mandela turned 92 over the weekend. They held abig party for him and it was great time until Mel Gibson called to wish him a happy birthday.It's being reported Mel Gibson has told friends he's leaving Hollywood and will returnto his native Australia - where at least he'll be able to watch his career go down the drain inthe opposite direction.Mel Gibson's wife has now come out in support of her ex husband, saying there wasnever any violence directed towards her or the kids. She does admit though that he wasalways a very strict Catholic but only ranted in Latin when around the family.If Mel Gibson and his ex-girlfriend ever go to trial, it will be less of the classic, he said, she said and more of their very personal, he screamed, she taped.The heat continues to bake most of the East coast and the summer has become sohot for so long that people in New York and Philly are walking around these days talking with a Georgia accent.The unrelenting heat for week after week is now turning ugly as each day more and moreoverweight people are going to their closets and breaking out their fish net tank tops.The government says some oil is apparently seeping out around the plug on that oilwell at the bottom of the sea. There a several explanations, including the most likely, that at this point the well is just messing with us now.It now appears BP no longer seems to care about maintaining good public relations and has recently begun complaining that the gas at their stations smells like shrimp.　 A woman in Russia is now officially the oldest person in the world having just celebratedher 130th birthday. She attributes her amazing longevity to poor record keeping.Another legislative victory for the Obama administration as the Senate finally approved afinancial overhaul bill last week. Analysts say it is expected to forever change the waycrooks do business on Wall Street.Palestinian extremist group Hamas has just banned women from smoking hookahs in cafes, claiming it leads to divorce. Larry King has been saying the same thing for years.