Jarniganisms....April 7, 2010

Some are making fun of President Obama's opening day pitch and saying he threw
like a girl. Maybe it's not so bad having a guy in office who's too busy to work on his
opening game pitch.

People keep comparing Tiger Woods and Jesse James but the two men are very
different. Tiger reportedly likes to take ambien when he parties with women and to help
him sleep while James parties with women and then watches golf to put him to sleep.

If I'm Phil Mickelson or Ernie Els this week, I pay Gloria Allred to walk the course at
Augusta this week.

Sony says it about to unveil a new television set that will allow the viewer to smell what
is on the screen. In a related story, the "Murder She Wrote" reunion has been canceled.

According to a new study, researchers say poker is still more skill than luck. Mathematicians
reveal findings in Las Vegas, where they ask for money to return home.